When You're Gone
by ObessedTWFan
Summary: She couldn't stop the memories that flowed when she was picking up the laundry. Sandle.


A/N: **Bolded italics** are lyrics, _italics_ are flashbacks and normal is present time. A tad longer than my recent work.

**_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie  
is made up on your side_  
**

_"Ya I think it's best" the tears never came when she said those words, and she wanted to cry for that but the tears remained non existent. He nodded his head in understanding and said nothing as he shut her door, walking away from her and her life for good._

She walked around her apartment gathering dirty clothes that seemed to pile up in every crevice that bared a space, and placed there to remind her they weren't that long or still clean, but the clothes remained in the spots until she ran out of clothes, becoming dirty and found themselves being thrown into the once empty clothes basket.

**_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_  
**

Her apartment was littered with knick-knacks she had collected or been given over the years, being somewhat of a pack rat she couldn't part with any of it. Nor could she part with the two pictures on her fridge that she knew she could put away, but they reminded her of how far she had come, there was nothing special about these two pictures, one was in black and white, the other in colour. Two different things but yet one and the same. Her eyes drifted towards the kitchen pausing briefly upon the fridge and she bit her lip to keep the tears at bay.

_"Congratulations Ms. Sidle you're pregnant I'd say about two months along " the woman who sat on the observation table drained of colour, the shock of the news wearing in and finally became normal and she smiled and thanked the doctor and took the prescription of prenatal vitamins and a promise to make another apartment for one month's time._

She grabbed a sweater off the back of her couch and put it with the other dirty laundry that accumulated and fixing the picture that didn't hang quite right off the side just a touch.

_"Come here, I want to take a picture of this" he pulled her closer, resting his cheek against hers telling her to smile as the flash temporally blinded her, blinking away the spots and moving from the position, he was happy with the news of her pregnancy, the photo op was proof of that._

**_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
_**

Looking into the bathroom she noticed a few dirty towels on floor and paused only long enough to pick them up. Mentally thinking that more than one load would have to be done today.

_"Come in with me" he called from the shower as she was brushing her teeth in the sink  
_"_No we'll be late" she spit the foamy liquid into the sink and looked up into the mirror only to be pulled into the shower, clothes and all, the water instantly soaking her to the bone. She never got to complain for his lips were on hers the moment he closed the shower curtain._

**_All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you_  
**

Pushing the thought away she made the trip into her bedroom where the main focus of the mess was, dirty clothes littered the floor along with a large piled up on the one chair she had in the room. Not all the clothes were hers and she was almost scared to pick up the items that weren't.

_"You better pick that up" she stood on her side of the bed hands cocked on her hips as he pulled back the covers  
_"_You can't be serious"  
_"_I am, I don't like a mess"  
_"_I do, deal with it" he stuck out his tongue at her and climbed into bed, item she was referring to was his shirt he had been in for more than sixteen hours and with one swoosh had ended up on her floor, something that she had never done. _

**_I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do  
reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left  
they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you  
I love the things that you do_  
**

It was then that the tears started to fall as she picked up an orange shirt holding it close, the detail of it being on the floor for over a week meant little to her as she brought it up to inhale to see if it still smelled like him, and it did making the tears fall down even harder as she sat on the edge of her bed, the shirt still clutched in her hands, the laundry basket had made it's way to the floor a t-shirt of hers hanging over the edge a result of her dropping the basket, something she didn't remember.

She bolted up right clutching her stomach, something wasn't right, she was too soon she had barely begun to show, the pain had her doubling over breaking a sweat as the other occupant of the bed woke up alarmed with the sudden change in movement.

"_What's wrong?" he asked panicking  
_"_I don't know, something's wrong it hurts soo bad" she clutched her stomach tighter as a fierce pain over took her  
_"_Let's go to hospital" he was already out of bed and throwing a shirt over his naked torso, flicking on a light he rushed over to her only to notice her lower half was covered in blood. _

**_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_  
**

_"I'm sorry, she lost the baby before she arrived here" the doctor had said and left them to be alone._

She pushed herself off the bed and picked up the remaining clothes, her hands never letting go of the orange faded t-shirt she had first picked up. She walked out into the kitchen to stare at the two pictures that had been her past and future.

**When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you**

The colour picture was from minutes after she had delivered the news of her being pregnant where he had conned her into taking a picture to remember the moment for eternity. The black and white photo was the first and only picture of her baby, their baby, who the world never got to know. The image was grainy and it was barely there but the baby they had created was a part of her dead or alive. The sonogram had been taken a week before her miscarriage and they had found out the sex of the baby. A baby girl. **  
**

**We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were  
**

_"Why won't you let me be there for you?"  
__"I just want to be alone. You wouldn't understand"  
__"I understand my fiance doesn't want me anywhere near her when I should be there the most"  
__"I think you should leave"  
__"You really think so?"  
__"Ya I think it's best" the tears never came when she said those words, and she wanted to cry for that but the tears remained non existent. He nodded his head in understanding and said nothing as he shut her door, walking away from her and her life for good._

**_All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me_**

They had done an emergency C-section, the doctor explaining it would emotionally draining to carry around a fetus that wasn't alive. She would forever have that scar on her stomach, the pale colour blending in with her stomach but it was there.

She knew he came here, some of the flowers that were at Kayla Sanders grave she hadnt placed, new flowers were placed on her grave everyday. They had been allowed to see there baby before it was taken away, it had been released for burial a day later, Sara and Greg were the only two who knew, the only ones that were there at the burial minus the technicans wo performed the duty. They had stood on either side of the tiny coffin as it was lowered into the ground and she felt a part of her being put into the ground with her.

The fight had come a week later. The fight that had ended it all.

**_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
_****  
**She was kneeling when he made his way up, towards his baby girls grave, something that he would never wish upon anyone. Parent's shouldn't bury their children. He held the single tulip in his hand, the same flower everyday, tulip and daisy's were Sara's favourite, and he knew if Kayla had made it she would have loved the same.

**_The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
All the words I need to hear will always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
_****_  
_**He hung back letting her mourn alone, he understood the need to be alone when she stood at the grave, doing the exact same thing he did when he was here, stare at the letters and remember the past where everything was okay, where each new day gave a brand new hope. Something that would never be dreamt of again.

"Why did this happen?" she asked him, and he took a moment to answer, pondering the idea that she was just talking to air, but she turned to him, fresh tears spilling over and down her cheeks

"I don't know you didn't deserve what happened" she stood brushing the dirt off her knees. Smiling for the first time in ages she spoke

"You would have been a great dad" came from her heart, she truly felt that, he would have been the perfect dad any child could ask for.

"And you a great mother"

"How did things get so…"

"Messed up?" he finished for her and she nodded "I don't know all I know is that I miss you" he set his flower down beside her fresh daisy and gave her time to think over what he had said and came to stand beside her. Entertwining her fingers with his was a sign to him that everything would be okay, they would be okay.

**_I miss you

* * *

_**

A/N: A little different from what I've been doing lately, I was going to leave this open to any character but decided to make it a Sandle at the last moment. I did do my research you can find out the sex of the baby at 18 weeks and Sara was about 19 weeks along. Just thought I'd mix it up a bit and get the creative juices flowing. The song is **When You're Gone **by Avril Lavigne off her new album The Best Damn Thing, I downloaded it for my roomate who was sick at the time and decided to give her a little pick me up. Now she's got me hooked on the CD.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Greg Sanders, Sara Sidle or any of the CSI characters or the actor/ress's who play them. Nor do I direct, produce or even write or consult on the show. I don't even live near Los Angeles or the US for that matter. Does that cover everything? I do own Kayla Sanders.


End file.
